Curt from Curt

OPEN LETTER to all speeding impaired drivers

2006-05-07T21:33:00.000-07:00

Dear slow driver,
So after this weekend I have decided the icthus is about to come off and the middle finger is about to go up. You can keep that from happening with a few minor changes in your driving. I have no intention of asking you to drive any other speed than that which you are comfortable with (although I question the masculinity of guys I know who drive so freaking slow), my frustration is your unwillingness to allow me to drive my desired speed while on the highway. What you don't understand is that some of us actually have somewhere to be, and people who actually want to see us there. The fact that you have neither of these does not mean you need to steal my precious time.
In reality, it is less about the time and more about winning the race. You ask "who with?"- it's pretty simple- the car that is about 50 meters ahead of me at the time. Nevertheless, my beef still remains...
Here's the list of my grievances:
1- When I was younger and being taught by one of you (a fellow speeding impaired driver, who happens to be my dad), one of the basic rules of courtesy on a one lane road was to slide over to the shoulder when someone was clearly wanting to pass you. I must have missed the memo where there was some sort of change to the rule; people now days prefer me to risk my own life by sliding into oncoming traffic than simply sliding over 6 feet while losing no speed of their own.
2nd grievance- why do two people driving the same speed get in separate lanes and drive next to each other? I don't care what speed you are going, you can get behind one another and have a merry game of follow the leader- trade off being in front if you both have control issues.
3rd beef- why drive in the left lane when you know you are clearly not one of the faster drivers on the road. In fact, all you rule followers who will complain to me about driving the speed limit- follow the law and stay in the right lane except for passing.
If you do this, I might just leave my little fishy on my car and keep my finger to myself... Please help me help you.

Curt Steinhorst

the nature and frustration of time

2006-03-21T02:56:00.000-08:00

A few months ago I posted a blog about how some memories can be treasured so much that they leave me bitter and frustrated that I can't get them back. I took a lot of hell from a couple of roommates who are complete asses, but it wasn't enough to get me to stop thinking about it. While I was in Asia, I started thinking about the fact that God is outside of time and how that related to me and specifically the struggles with past memories. How can I get my mind around something so other from my existence? How can God be different than everything I define my life by?
My last blog was all about my past. The incredible thing, both for better and for worse, is that I can't change my past. I have the ability to look into my past and think of some of the true high points of my life with so much joy, and no fear that it can ever be taken from me. What a gift from God. The problem with my past is much the same; those moments that provide so much joy and excitement are there, but I can't have them back. As good as my years as a camper at Rio Vista were, they will never be again. That's the problem
Then we have the present, which is all we really ever have. Even my thoughts of the past that are so sweet or so bitter can only be felt in the present. All of the pleasure that can be had in life can only be experienced now. The single ambition of every person at every moment is to maximize pleasure right now, in the present (and we are far too easily settled on what we think will make us happy, it would seem if God created us for pleasure, he would know the best way for us to get it). So the present is great because it didn't happen and it won't happen, it's happening. The problem is that it lasts for only that moment before it hits the past and leaves me with the problem I just talked about. Also, sometimes I hate the present, like when my closest friend from high school called to ask me to pray for his family because he was staring at his dead younger brother on the pavement of a highway. I didn't like the present then, I wanted it to be so far in my past or my future, anything but my present. The present can really hurt.
That leaves the future. The future leaves me to dream of all that can be. I love the possibilities of the future, so much so that at times having to moving beyond possibilities of the future and into the present that solidifies life ruins the joys that I had about all of the different possibilities that could be. There is so much hope to be had in the future; that I will make a difference in thousands of lives, that God will create a beautiful painting on the blank canvas that is currently there, that my wife will be there waiting for me. What joy. Unfortunately, it isn't there. It's in my dreams, but it hasn't hit reality- which is where life exists. All of my joys about my future exist simply because they have the possibility of becoming my present.
Okay, so what's this have to do with God being out of time? It seems that the presence of God is filled with all the great facets of these parts of time without the downfalls of each. In God's eternal presence, which we have named heaven, I get the security of memories that bring so much joy, I have the fullness of pleasure in my present, and I have the complete hope that every great possibility will reach the current (and it already has in that moment that I hope for it). I get this without the bitterness of great memories I can never experience again, without the brokenness and suffering that can ruin the present, and without the fear that my dreams might be dashed and ruined by making one choice over another. That makes me excited about heaven, and want more of God.
Maybe I just sound stupid to you, but to me that is pretty exciting.... also so if that is what heaven is like, what does that mean about hell and it's relation to time... all of the bitterness of all my worst memories without the hope of a future. anyway, just some thoughts, let me know if you think I have been smoking something or if I make any sense.

when will we wake up

2006-02-19T13:47:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking a lot about the triviality of life. It seems we dedicate so much energy towards doing a thousand things to keep ourselves busy, to look cool, with absolutely no thought of whether it matters at all for life and eternity.

Case and point: I went to a bar in Uptown/Yuppieville this weekend with some college friends (first time since I was in dallas to do this). It's kind of a funny thing when you step back and look at what's happening. Hundreds and hundreds of people literally pack themselves like sardines into a little area where they can overspend for a drink that will help them escape reality, then they proceed to walk around for one reason- to find some person of the opposite sex that they can get with (or if they are "moral", just get with in their hearts)… For some reason it is okay in a bar for a guy to put his crotch on a girls ass and for a girl come up and rub her entire body up against any guy she wants- that's okay in this world. Anywhere else, we're talking lawsuit. It really is fascinating. You think that at some point everyone would realize how ridiculous it is and just get in a big line, partner up, and go have sex. Put a bag on their face if you don't like who you got assigned to, and realize you will get someone else the next night...

Now… I realize that people in the church immediately can differentiate themselves from "those" people because we are pursuing God's plan for sex and marriage- which really is so much satisfying. But my question is this, are our lives any less trivial? Really…Are we any less focused on ourselves, getting our needs, and desires for entertainment and popularity met than those at the bar ? Do our churches have any less a consumer mentality than everything else in our culture?

I started thinking about this because I just spent an extended amount of time being completely broken before Jesus. It started by me watching clips of and commentary on the movie Tears of the Sun (how accurate it was)- it's a great movie. I was weeping before the Lord over the evil and pain and brokenness that's happening all over the world, and even more so over how little I'm doing about it. Really, people are being gruesomely tortured and if they are lucky dying right now all over the world. People are being imprisoned because they believe in Jesus, children are being murdered as I am typing this because they were borne into the weaker tribe. So I am asking God why he lets this happen (because I know He is completely sovereign), and I feel him respond to me with a reminder of the resources he has given the United States. The church in the US has more resources, (finances, man power, technological and medical advances, education, and transportational means) than any other group in the history of the world. So…what is it going to take to get us out of this self centered trivial life we live? When will we as the church, the representative of God in the earth, rise up and start meeting the arms of oppression in the earth- in Sudan, Morocco, Iraq, China, South Korea, Tibet, in Mexico, and the United States. What will it take for me to stop thinking about how much I lifted yesterday at Lifetime Fitness, or what this guy or that girl thinks of me? What can I, Curt Steinhorst, in Dallas Texas do about the injustice and oppression occurring right now? Answer, I don't know.

I know that whatever it is, it won't be safe, it won't be easy, and if we as the church- not the institution, but the people- will rise up and work towards accomplishing our God ordained purpose, people will die- US citizens, maybe even members from my church, will die (nevermind that for every one of us that dies, there will be at least 1000 natives). I guess the whole taking up the cross and following me deal might be closer to our hearts…What a great adventure we have the chance to be a part of: binding up the brokenhearted, proclaiming liberty to the captives, beauty for ashes, and the year of the Lord's favor…

Thanksgiving and my grandparents

2005-11-24T23:31:00.000-08:00

There are about a million reasons why I should be thankful today. Here's the one I hold most dear right now: This last weekend we celebrated my grandparents 80th birthdays by bringing the entire family together, taking pictures, going to On the Border (where we had too much to drink), and then ending the night with a gift giving event at our house. My mom spent weeks organizing this event where each family member presented Mammaw and Pap with a gift, which served as a symbol of some memory we had of them growing up. It began with my mom giving her father a crousage to remember how he gave his daughters one every year on their birthday. We covered things such as my grandmother's incredible and sacrificial cooking and my grandfather's randition of the old fairy tale, "Little green walking hood." We rewrote the lyrics to these are a few of my favorite things, and also wrote a really long poem that was framed and handed to them at the end of the night. We all laughed at old stories, and my grandparents cried. It truly was a night I will never forget. While we were sitting with our family, I realized the blessing of my grandparents and my whole family. Words can't give justice to the example they have set for the rest of us, they really can't. My grandmother has always said that I was just like Pap. I carry his name, his hair color, his personality and overall temperment. I just hope people can look at me when I am 80 and say I lived like he did. Here's what I mean:

My grandfather is a wonderful husband- he loves my grandmother with everything he is. They were high school sweethearts, and it is clear by the way that he looks at her even today that he is completely captivated by her- a fairy tale story of love, faithfulness, and service (the way Jesus called husbands to love their wives).

He is the best father anyone could ask for. My mom and her sisters put him on the highest pedestal. He never raised his voice (although he does regret spanking my aunt once for sticking her tongue out at him- but if you knew my aunt, it was deserved), was patient and gentle and loving and kind toward them. They never wanted to disappoint Dad.

Lastly, he is the ideal grandfather. From coming to our sporting events when we were young to taking us to Sea World to always being in good spirits and laughing rather than yelling when "boys will be boys," he has always been there. Here's the whole point of me sharing this: The blessing that I have enjoyed of a healthy and loving environment (which has made me who I am today) is a result of the faithfulness of my grandfather towards his wife and children (because of his faith in Jesus). For this I am thankful, "The righteous man leads a blameless life; blessed are his children after him. - Proverbs 20:7 " Thank you Pap (and mammaw, which I could have written something very similar about my grandmother).

Opening the floodgates...

2005-11-06T22:03:00.000-08:00

It's official, I finally figured out that there is a feature that allows people who aren't members of blogger to post their comments- mainly because a couple of my friends kept saying they had things to say, but couldn't post. So...it is official, you now have no excuse for not sharing your thoughts...

The Illusion of the Adventure

2005-11-02T22:26:00.000-08:00

My friend Sommer wrote this blog about wanting life to be about more than the mundane, and how she wishes she didn't let the busyness of her schedule get in the way of experiencing, tasting, touching, breathing in all of life. It got me thinking about that stuff. I find that I have this longing to live a crazy adventure, to experience more than other people. A nightmare for me would be getting sucked into a 9 to 5 and sitting in the same town forever. I guess I relate living all of life to seeing the whole world, living in a tropical paradise, on a mountain the rockies, in africa, australia, or any other place far away. The problem I keep realizing is that every time I have tried to settle on one place to start this crazy journey, I eliminate all of the other experiences that I could have and will thus be missing out on. So...even if I was living in the Rockies right now- which was my plan up until about 2 months ago, I would be dreaming of some other experience that I could be having at the time. In truth, there is never an adventure that would really satisfy this desire for another adventure (maybe if I had Solomon's life (harem included))
Then I start looking at what everyone in the world is doing, each with his little job, doing it to his best, paying bills, going home, waking up the next day to start it over. Maybe I have to just find life in the mundane, and realize that I am not made for being in 1000 places, and one person's adventurous location is another's hometown that breeds nothing but contempt and a longing for elsewhere. So...how do I find life in Dallas texas? I guess the same way everyone else does in every other place in the world- being known by others and knowing others deeply. While trying to avoid the cliche sound of "knowing (and being known by) Jesus," I really think this has to be the root and essence of all of my satisfaction and peace and contentment- if there is another answer, then I haven't come anywhere close to finding it. I don't mean knowing Jesus as if it is a one time prayer that ends with an amen and a one way ticket to heaven, but about seeking to really know the man, the Creator, the loving and kind Daddy whose name is Jesus- not the american christian subculture Jesus who doesn't look anything like the friend and father I love so deeply.

hippies and a balanced budget

2005-10-25T10:58:00.000-07:00

I recently received this email from a really good friend who realizes that I am probably closer to being a hippie liberal freakshow than I like to admit and certainly more than most people believe. Here's the article followed by some thoughts about the debate that occurs within me when I read this article:

"Today, Senate Agriculture Committee Chairman Saxby Chambliss
(R-Ga.) and other committee members did the right thing by
removing more than $500 million in cuts to the federal food
stamps program that existed in earlier budget proposals. By
resisting cuts to vital nutrition programs, they chose the
well-being of America's most vulnerable working families over
partisan politics.

But other critical programs - health care, student loans and
more - for low-income families are still at risk this week!
Legislation is still being finalized in other Senate committees
that will determine future funding for Medicaid and other
domestic safety net programs. Meanwhile, Congressional leaders
still plan $70 billion in new tax cuts for the wealthiest among
us.

The change in course by Senator Chambliss and his Agriculture
Committee colleagues shows that our voices are being heard in
the halls of Congress! E-mail your senators and representatives
now and urge them to follow the lead of the Senate Agriculture
Committee. Urge them to vote NO on cuts to food stamps and other
critical anti-poverty programs.

Take action now:
http://go.sojo.net/campaign/moral_budget2?rk=P7LJqf61oRXYW
"
So here's my problem...wouldn't a moral budget first and foremost be one that isn't spending billions in deficit? I guess my question with this stuff (without only reading groups like this that hunt and peck and take random budget cuts out of context without looking at the bigger picture of the budget) is always how do we get to a balanced budget if we don't cut anything? Easy answer, keep taxing the rich, but I have trouble believing that stat about 70 billion without more information. Where's the balance between helping the poor and still being fiscally responsible (and not being a communist where it doesn't pay to work for your money because the gov will just take it.) Last thought, if you don't take into account issues like the disadvantages of coming from a poor situation, minority race, or anything else that leaves your network with a distinct disadvantage, then you haven't thought through this enough and your opinion is on par with an ignorant bigot. Also, if you just want to blame Bush and call him a dumb racist that creates hurricanes to intentionally kill the poor- then I have even less use for you. Have a nice day:-)

Success...another deep question with no answer

2005-10-04T23:15:00.000-07:00

So the biggest question I have been trying to figure out is this: What in the hell is success, and how does it actually look in my life? I keep finding myself falling back on ideas that have been implanted in me since I was young ( I think of John Piper's sermon where he says he gets 45 min to tell us not to believe in the lie of the american dream after we spent our whole life being taught ot buy it). Things like money, power, family all have this tendency towards driving my ambitions... which none of those things are necessarily a bad thing, just none of them have ever satisfied a single person...ever.

The question that naturally follows this line of reasoning has been even more difficult for me to answer: If I can define success for my life and know exactly where I want to be in 5 years, then how in the hell do I get there. This is especially difficult when there are a few equally good options that could each lead to exactly where I want to go, or end in a door being slammed shut and me being broke living with the rents. Anyway, I don't know what the hell to do, but I do know the I like the word hell when it's used as an adjective (I figure I should keep my other favorite words to myself ...for now)

Last thought: it does seem that despite the complete clicheness of saying things like "just pray about it" and "give it to Jesus" and the fact that when people say them to me I want to vomit and drop the f bomb, I have found that nothing has brought me peace or rest during my frustrations, confusion, stress, and just overall restlessness like getting on my knees and just sharing my struggles with him, and allowing him to remind me that He really does know what He's doing. Now, that doesn't mean that I am doing the whole prayer thing well at all, just that I recognize the value. I do hope that somehow my experience of finding peace in that time can benefit someone else in their struggle to fix the shit of their life (All legalists that allow their culture based church to tell you it is wrong to cuss rather than actually figuring out what the bible says about the topic, I am sorry if I have offended you, pray for me that I would repent of my sin of putting the letter s-h-i- t together ;) anyway... it slipped and my backspace doesn't work....right).

If only time wasn't so constant...

2005-09-20T01:30:00.000-07:00

I have been having trouble sleeping since I had surgery, so tonight I was looking through my high school yearbook, and it got me thinking. Time is such a weird thing. There are a few snapshots from my past that I wish that I could take and keep like a Kodak picture, and remove them from my back pocket every now and simply relive them all over again. Sometimes it just doesn't feel like enough to simply think back on the great times, that some experiences were so sweet that it almost makes the present painful, even in great times, because you can't have back other great moments. I wish I could go back and restore friendships that I made in high school. Some of those Kodak pictures I would relive: my lakehouse with David and Christine and Amanda sophomore year of high school. Even earlier, evenings at Jenny’s house with Clayton and Rebecca. Sneaking out of Clayton's window, but maybe not the getting caught part. I would love to have my last summer as a camper back, when I was chief, and when Josh and I grew so close, and a deep bond was built with Rodrigo , where we all learned from Tony’s love and wisdom. My freshman year of college was so sweet. Some of those friendships have lasted, although in a different form, like Justin, Angela, Dustin, and Brandi, but the reality is it doesn’t look like it did when we all lived on campus together, when we stayed up late talking about life and Texas A&M and Jesus. Perhaps the time in my life I wish most I could hold on to would be my time at the Caudill House, truly I can’t ask for better lifelong friends, friends that have and would again lay their lives down for me. Words cannot express the gratitude I feel to Jesus for my college years, weekly lunches with Gabe and Clayton where we talked about sports, working out with Chris and Dustin, Fridays with Tim, my lifegroup/Aldersgate people that I love so deeply, being single and hating it (and loving deeply, and getting hurt deeply).

Here’s the deal: I can’t return to those times, I have to just keep on walking, moving forward because even if I try to hold on, life will just pass on by. There are a select few people that transition from one stage to the next. Does this make the people that don’t insignificant? I don’t think so. It just means that our lives didn’t continue in the same direction. If we’re lucky, we will get the chance to come back together and talk about the wonderful times we had. If not, then hopefully we meet in the next life, but that certainly isn’t a guarantee. All I have is the bitter sweet memories of friendships and experiences shared and lost. So what is the best way to handle the passing of time? I certainly don’t know, and I often feel like my sentimental spirit just makes it more difficult. On the other hand, to not sit back every once in a while and think with joy of the wonderful experiences of my past almost robs it of the fullness of the experiences. Truth is, I don't want to go back to these wonderful times if it means losing where it has brought me today. I am so thankful for where Jesus has me right this second, the here and now, even though I am less sure about my future than I have ever been. It's just nice every once in a while to think back to what things got me where I am, and sometimes joys become almost bitter because they have been lost. Anyway, these are just a few random thoughts on a night that I couldn’t sleep. Let me know if you identify with anything I have said (or if you were a part of one my kodak pictures and want to give a shout out)...

it's official: I'm going to hell

2005-08-16T08:23:00.000-07:00

I am coming out of the closet, I've hinted at it in man other posts, but I am ready to be liberated. No, I'm not gay, it's even worse... I don't believe in inerrancy (that the bible is perfect in its original manuscripts). In honor of my coming out, rather than having a ten page post as to why I believe this way (or what I currently am thinking about the bible, which would be even more inflammatory), I have decided to just ask a couple questions that I am hoping both of you who read my post will respond to...
1- What is your view of the bible (inerrancy, infallibility, old boring book...) and are there any particularly inspiring reasons why (bonus for those up to the task... answer the essay question: How has the church's marriage to enlightenment, rationalism, and foundationalism affected the current orthodox view of the bible and theology?)
2- If you are an inerrantist, why am I going to hell? Joking aside, I really do want to hear about it if you are in the inerrancy camp.. it is a view I held for a long time and it is worth stating...
This might fail miserably, under which circumstances I will promptly remove this post and harshly deny that I ever even questioned the authority of the bible (and kill everyone who claims otherwise)

sight seeing is for losers

2005-08-14T17:26:00.000-07:00

This last week has been pretty busy. I spent about 15 hours in the car with my sister and her husband as we traveled the state of virginia, seeing all of the high points. (A couple harlan coben books on CD kept us highly entertained during the trip- I would highly recommend any of his books (for people that like Dan Brown type books especially)). We first went to virginia beach to visit my uncle, who's an interim pastor there. We went to the beach where I worked on my already perfected tan (dark arms, white chest), read about 40 pages in harry potter before I lost interest, skinned up my arms while body surfing, and watched the 50 or so dolphins that swam about 100 yards from where we were (one of the perks of having a family in the town is going to the local beaches, which isn't crowded enough to scare off the wildlife). As his family is currently in Richmond, I think my uncle enjoyed having family there. We spent a lot of time just hanging out with him, talking life, God, and church. One thing I love about spending time with my dad's siblings is that we learn more about his life (ie. the vietnam war...) than he has ever shared with us.

We then went to DC, where we spent the evening with David Sparks and Danny Feitel, two old friends from the church I was raised in. Despite my frustrations with GPC, it has such a significant place in my life and I can only hope to have the community that I have there in whatever churches I will be involved with in the future. The older I get the more I realize the amount of good things happening there far outweighs the bad.
Anyway, we toured DC, and saw pretty much all anyone could in a day and half (all of the monuments, the american indian, air and space, natural history, and american history smithsonians, the capital, supreme court, library of congress). I find that I really don't enjoy sight seeing in the form of museums and historical places. I go to them because I am supposed to, and so I can tell people how I saw what I am supposed to see there... Truth is I couldn't care less that I have now seen the plane charles lindberg flew around the world in, or that I have now seen where George W lives and pees and has sex with his wife (which is something that differentiates him from the previous president).
I have far more enjoyed the adventurous things I have done on this trip like hiking, mountain biking, and body surfing in the ocean. As a general rule, unless it involves gambling, spending time with old friends (which could only be made better by a few drinks), competition/games, or thrills, it isn't that good of a vacation, and I feel like I should get school credit for putting myself through it. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed my time in DC, I just don't understand why I continue having to reaffirm the fact that sight seeing is for old, boring, people and while I might be that one day, I am not yet. (if you are young and like to sight see and are reading this, I am sorry- not meaning to offend, but I pity your sorry existence) On a side note while we are on the vacation topic, I will say that my ideal vacation can't happen until the day after my wedding, but when it does...it's gonna be great...

so...who's a good person anyway

2005-08-05T22:48:00.000-07:00

This is the question I have spent the last two months thinking through. It started with a couple of conversations that I had with some close friends from camp, two people with very different views on God than I have (one athiest, the other agnostic)... I realize that when I start a conversation about the nature of being good with acknowledging that two of the people that challenged me to think the most weren't christians, many christianized people are perplexed. Why would I listen to some God hater, do they have anything to add? Were you listening so that they would listen to you when you tell them how you have it all figured out? (gross overstatements, but used to illustrate a point, don't be offended)
The answer to why I was talking with them about the issue is because I happen to think that christians aren't the only people with a monopoly on truth (not to say all views are equal, just that none of us have the whole thing figured out on this side of the universe)- we can learn from each other. On a personal note, since I have actually started to listen to people that didn't believe exactly what I believe, I have learned more and been stretched more than any time I can remember. So... that's the background
Here's my basic views on the issue before I start challenging them. I happen to believe everybody sucks, people are pretty evil, self interested creatures that don't have to be taught a thing about doing things to intentionally hurt others. My basic theology says that God, out of His abundant grace, transforms people's hearts that are bent toward evil and makes them love the things that He loves. My life has been a testimony to seeing how spending time with Jesus makes me start to see things and people differently (and how bad I do it when I am not with Him)... So that this blog entry doesn't go to long, I will just ask some of the questions (and of course comment on them) that have been proposed to me.... If this theology is true then:
1- why is it that there seems to be really crappy people in every faith and really genuinely sacrificial people in every faith? Why if Christianity is the only way to make people "good" does it look absolutely no different than any and every other group?- okay, I just made a lot of christians nervous, I happen to believe that this isn't the complete case. In fact one of my good friends mentioned that he thinks people are evil except for a few radical christians he knows (my friend isn't a christian)....Nevertheless, I don't like that I keep dismissing what I see because it doesn't fit into my current worldview of everyone but christians sucking (and the nonchristians that pretend to be good are total liars)... so what in the world do I do with my worldview when something I witness doesn't fit into it?
2- What is it to be good anyway? Are evil people those who get drunk often or smoke weed, or cuss, or those who don't have the discipline (or fear based reasons) to keep themselves from doing what everyone in the world wants to do- have sex? Is that evil? That's what it seems we in the church consume ourselves with trying to correct, me included. This question around from the same conversation where my friend told me that he knows a few radical christians that are good people. He also pointed to some friends of mine that I never would have considered good people because of the reasons I listed above. I started to think about it, those "evil" guys would give me the shirt off their backs, would be honest when I ask them difficult questions (even when the answer incriminates them), they work hard, care deeply, give their summers for kids at camp; but they are evil because they cuss, drink like a fish, smoke weed, and have sex. On the other hand, I am prideful, self interested, pure probably more as a result of fear than trusting Jesus, free from drugs and not a drunkard probably as much because I don't want to ruin my reputation as I want to follow Ephesians 5:18- which wasn't even written to abolish drinking too much... so who's better? I think the answer is that we both suck and Jesus wants us to stop getting our value by trying to see how we compare to others and instead find value in who He says we are... but in the mean time, I keep asking myself what makes a man good? The answer isn't as clear as a cliche bible verse unfortunately...

deceiving the masses

2005-08-03T21:34:00.000-07:00

I just added a few of my old posts from xanga so that my blog doesn't look so bare...just without the old comments people had. I haven't actually used blogger until tonight, so don't be deceived.

I'm back

2005-08-03T21:21:00.000-07:00

It is hard for me to believe that I am finished with camp already. It really did fly by. I have so many things that I want to write about, but am actually really frustrated with blogger right now... You ask why? well that's a good question. I had all these cool links on my page, but when I attempted to change my template, it erased them all. And I don't know how to add them, as a friend from camp set them up for me. That in combination with the fact that my brother in law usees a dvorak keyboard (don't ask, it's not worth knowing about) has made my blogger experience pretty crappy tonight. I will write my thoughts when I am in a better mood.

Allllllrighty then . . .

2005-05-31T16:16:00.000-07:00

I'm Curt and I'm curt.

I've been posting on a Xanga site, but will be moving my posts and comments over here . . .

Imago Dei

2005-05-23T18:18:00.000-07:00

Monday, May 23, 2005
I have recently decided that I have a bad habit of coming off really angry in my posts, I think it is because of my sarcastic personality, but from here on out, I declare my xanga to be a changed blog. The funny thing is I really am not angry at all, I just like to challenge my own thoughts and others, and it usually comes off in a biting tone (well... maybe I am a little frustrated with status quo too). Anyway, I have been home for a few days, and it has been really good spending time with my family. Yesterday we did a garage sale because I have so much crap from college. I am quickly finding that my mom and I are polar opposites on the saving issue, she will throw away a diamond bracelet if she hasn't worn it in a week and I will keep my toenails because of the unlikely chance that I run out of toothpicks and need my old nails to serve that purpose. Anyway, we worked like 10 hours getting ready for it, and priced everything at like 25 cents per item, and so ended up making like 3 dollars and 25 cents- it was glorious.
Overall, I feel like over the last several weeks Jesus has really been teaching me how to find Him in things that we don't normally think of as spiritual. I mean, if God is truth, anything true is from Him, regardless if it is in the bible or a bad movie, a consistent believer or the person who rejects Jesus outright. There is something about being made in the Imago Dei (image of God) that just shines remnants of who Jesus is. I have found that when I can see that in people, regardless of where they are, my perspective on them changes completely. They no longer fit in the saved/unsaved, sinner/saint, unholy/perfect categories that I usually use primarily to make myself feel good about where I stand with God (because I don't really believe what He tells me about where I stand with Him), but instead they remind me of Jesus, and how at the deepest level they bear His image- and I must take their thoughts and personality and desires seriously and learn from them- and the differences between us somehow can show me a part of the character of God that I don't carry. It is so awesome to know that only through community and relationships can we see the fullness of what it means to be made in the image of God.
(I recognize the whole total depravity thing, of which I totally believe in, can distort the image of God- but even that is only a distortion of what is good, you know?- so if we can see the distortion, and say "hey there is something there that is true," then how much have we gained?)

Difficult questions...

2005-05-20T14:44:00.000-07:00

So... it's a little more difficult than I anticipated actually getting on here and updating the blog. This last week has been crazy, graduating and moving back home. I can't even begin to talk about all that I have been thinking through in terms of my experience over the last four years- I couldn't have in any way dreamed that it would have gone so well. Who knows, maybe I will be back in College Station before too long.
Lately I have been thinking about how much freedom we have to ask difficult questions about God and spirituality. I have found that in the evangelical community the answer is very little, and it pisses me off to no end. An example: Is the bible inerrant? At this point, you probably think that it is so obvious that it doesn't need to be asked (although I know a few of you out there are actually asking with me). Funny thing is that some really intelligent (and might I say God loving- okay, that might be pushing it) people think it is perfectly obvious that there is no way it could be inerrant (was it a man or an angel that met the women at the tomb?- well it can't be both so the bible isn't inerrant (or the third hour or the ninth)). The rest probably have already begun to question my salvation because I ask the question without answering it quickly and decisively. As a result they have probably begun to go down the prayer chain list to tell people of my fallen ways and to ask them to beg God for my return to the fold (or maybe talking about my fallen ways makes them feel better about their holiness).
I am not here to answer the question, frankly I don't have an answer- but I am deeply saddened that we have created a culture that doesn't allow us to ask it- and if we do, we get cheap cliche answers in return. It is funny, at the very moment that I ask these types of questions I feel absolutely safe and secure in the arms of Jesus (and the Sovereign, calvinistic God). I am totally confident He is completely okay with me asking questions like this- and the answer won't change my place in His kingdom. (Another question could be something like can you enter heaven without knowing the name of Jesus? what about the people in Indonesia that will never hear? Some answer quickly "No way, they need to know the name of Jesus"- then why the hell do you keep kicking people out of heaven if you aren't willing to go over there and tell them about Him?)
So, why I do I sound so angry? Well, I met with a guy that told me I can't go to Fuller Seminary (I wouldn't have even mentioned Mars Hill) because they have forsaken the gospel (because not all hold to inerrancy, or even worse- some allow women to be pastors)- I need to go to a God loving place like Southern or Southwestern. The funny thing is Fuller has a huge missions program, and they send tons of people to give their lives for the sake of His name- but they are out, right?- because every person there doesn't answer all the very difficult questions the same exact way as you do? But I thought Jesus said we would know his children by their fruit- have we changed that to saying we will know His children by how they answer a few questions? Who gives a crap if someone has given anything up to help the hurting, poor, oppressed, needy, wicked, "unsaved" person of the earth.
Something is wrong with the way we define spirituality in this place we call evangelicalism (of which I am a part of, if they will take me), and it is destroying people's lives

Is sex socially constructed?

2005-05-17T22:41:00.000-07:00

I had this really great conversation, one that definitely qualifies as one of the best I have had in a while, with my independent studies professor the other day. He's in the philosophy department, but focuses on religious studies, so we can talk for hours. My semester research topic was how the christian evangelical world is relating to postmodern philosophy and culture, but I learned much less from researching the paper than from the stimulating discussions we had throughout the semester. It really is amazing that two people can discuss issues of faith and religion and reality and not agree on all issues, but nevertheless walk away stimulated and not angry. It can happen, but not if someone has the attitude that they have the monopoly on truth and can't learn from someone that doesn't have the same perspective as we have. Nevertheless, here's a question he challenged me with, "is sex socially constructed?" Before you gasp in disbelief and tell me that our view of proper sexual relations is "biblical" (ahh, the trump card)- think about this: Abraham, David and Solomon had multiple wives and it is never spoken of as sinful for them. Flashing forward to the New Testament, Paul believed people should be single because Jesus was coming soon. Do we really view sex like solomon or Paul?... I leave you with that

R rated movies and God

2005-05-11T21:31:00.000-07:00

So I have finally joined the cult and have created my own blog. I have plans for this to be as important as the blogs that exposed the lies that were being told about Bush during the campaign. Nevertheless, I think the fact that I even have one makes me way cooler, and definitely increases my chance with the ladies, although some of the things I say here will probably more than reverse any added cool points I received by having a blog.
First things first, I have seen a couple of movies lately that has gotten me thinking. The first one was A Lot like Love, which actually sucked as a movie, but I found that affected me, and something about it made me want to find some perfect girl have a love story like that. The truth is the girl was a tramp (okay, I'm not supposed to say that, but if you saw the movie you would agree- before Ashton Kutcher said a single word to her, she jumped him and they had sex) and the whole movie basically was about them having sex and then separating, till the very end where they decide to give it a try. Two things I gathered from it, the first was the really obvious message- don't make personal ambition and plans a priority over deep intimate relationships, because they won't fulfill. So...that seems right on, and a message that the church needs to hear as much as anyone else. The second was this, the distortion in that movie of what it is to love and be loved is so apparent, yet there is still a remnant of God's design, a remnant of the way He meant it to be. They expressed love in a way that is a perversio- yet it wasn’t counter to His plans overall- in fact it is a very healthy expression of love- to long for and finally come together in intimacy, giving each to the other in every aspect. Unfortunately, I think most people watch that kind of a movie, and reject the whole thing because they had the big s word before they were married, as if that is going to makes tons of people that weren't planning on it go out and have sex like rabbits. Come on, what a crock- people don't need a movie to justify that. Anyway, those are just a few thoughts on that
The second movie I can't comment on right now due to time, but I think the movie Crash might in fact be one of the most incredible movies I have ever seen, not entertaining, but thought provoking.